im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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