yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
