his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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