I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
