So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
