Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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