This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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