20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
