the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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