omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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