I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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