The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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