You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
