Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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