You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
