is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
