So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
