How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
