why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
