i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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