And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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