just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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