im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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