Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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