I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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