Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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