nut hugger
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
