bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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