Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
