she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
