ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
