It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
