Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
