Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
