We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
