So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
