Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
