dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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