I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
