New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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