I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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