So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
