Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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