i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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