oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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