his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
