I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
