i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
