good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm bleeding and have questions
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
