i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
