he thought i was a dude.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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