you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need moral support for this bender
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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