I wish my penis had an off switch
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
