hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
