The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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