spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They took my balls.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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