The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sobbing to NWA
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
