sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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