He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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