Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
