she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
