They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
