I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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