im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
