She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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