I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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