Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
