I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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