I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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