I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
