The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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