She is in my trunk
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
